Let me get rid of the myth, there is no good way to grieve. The trick is what we do afterwards.
However psychologist say there is a pattern and when we buy into that when we start to grieve we start wondering and questioning all the emotions we are having. If we are not angry when we should be or accepting soon enough, further feelings of unworthiness creep up, well I say creep up, more like a tonne of bricks fall on our already very fragile frames.
If you are to follow the process you will feel denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance. I so wanted to understand what was going to happen to me when I went through grief. It happened overnight so I was unprepared for what was to come. Initially having some pattern felt like it might be of some comfort.
You will likely feel some or all of those emotions but you will go through a whole load of others as well. The one thing I can say is that the grief does not go and disappear and the horrible saying, 'you'll move on in time', is not technically correct.
You learn to grow around the grief.
That is the words of comfort we should be saying. To grieve well is to find a way to honour the person we have loved so deeply and felt so much when we lost them from our lives. To be true to ourselves and how we feel is to grieve well.
It can sometimes make others feel uncomfortable and that is unfortunate as to find a way to keep love in your heart when growing around grief is something you will never regret.
Loving after a deep loss is a vulnerability at its highest. To know what it is to have your heart broken at the loss of a loved one and then still love wholeheartedly is to demonstrate grieving well.
To become a better person after your heart has broken a thousand times and still growing, not allowing the grief and pain to allow you to sit in the corner of the room called life, well thats grieving well.
To admit when the days are just too much and to allow yourself the time to cry. Telling your colleagues that actually today is a bad day, you feel sad and show them ways they can help you with your grief rather than let them guess and flounder in your sadness not knowing how best to help, well thats grieving well.
The journey is a challenge. If you want some support please look over at ‘Nahla Passing’ page and I hope I might be able to support you in some way.